The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
