I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
