im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
