Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Winner winner, chicken dinner. I am the sole survivor of the orgy without strep. Or maybe I was the carrier?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
