Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
