you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
Randomize
