I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
