I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Randomize
