Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
