So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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