so that wasnt chicken after all
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
