Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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