Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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