We won't sleep together?
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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