I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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