we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
i think i just lost a toe
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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