I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
