So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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