Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize
