I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
