Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Randomize
