i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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