Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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