A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
