You just made me feel so damn special
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
Randomize
