The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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