he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
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