Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Be still, my beating vagina.
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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