Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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