She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You may now shotgun with the bride
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
His nipple licking is glorious
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