Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
