"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
