I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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