what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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