would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
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