you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
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