Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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