You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
