Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
