my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
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