Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
