I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
