There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I am midnight drunk by noon
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
No we didn't talk. I was high and doing naked yoga in the living room when she walked in so it was just awkward. I didn't even know my dad had a girlfriend.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
