i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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