I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
