He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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