yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Randomize
