IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
