roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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