So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
