so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
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