I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Randomize
